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Healthy love

Someone recently asked me: "Is there such a thing as romantic love? Apart from the love that is God and spirit and universe? Or is Hollywood love completely a figment of ego?" Ego is the root of all things that can end a relationship, I replied. What stems from the ego that causes our relationships to fail?

jealousy
a need to control each other
insecurity
co-dependence
doubt
worry
fear
resistance
denial
dishonesty
infidelity

When the ego is in the driver's seat of a relationship, all of the above are probable roadblocks on your journey to what could have been AMAZING. The romantic love we so commonly see in movies is attainable and fully possible. Screenplays are all derived from a source built upon memories, desires, wants, and fantasies. If it can be visualized, it can exist. Most people expect all relationships to be paired with hardship, struggle and an acceptance of less-than-"perfect".

If those expectations always precede us, we will inevitably shake hands with that reality. Relationships require effort, mutual respect, integrity, consideration, thoughtfulness and reciprocated celebration of each other's amazingness. Problems arise when the relationship begins to feel like homework or when someone stops celebrating their partner. If we are truly ready for a "Hollywood" love story we can create it. We, as people, have a deeply rooted "knowing" that no relationship is perfect.

What is the definition of perfect anyway?

per·fect (pûrfkt) adj.

1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind.

2. Being without defect or blemish
3. Excellent and delightful in all respects

My definition of a perfect relationship is simple. I believe that a "perfect" and blissful relationship can exist if jealousy isn't present and the feeling of freedom is dominant. By freedom, I mean: the freedom to be an individual within a union. One plus one equals 3. There is no "right" or "wrong". There is only "different". My way of cooking eggs benedict is my way. My partner's way of communication is his way. If it doesn't work for me, that's MY problem. Asking someone to change for you is merely just to make YOU feel more comfortable. You either accept your partner and the way he or she is, or you do not. You can choose to stay in the relationship or not.

Avoid being determined to prove the other person wrong. That's just ego stuff. If you succeed in proving them wrong, you're left with a broken person. And who wants to be with a broken person? Instead, offer suggestions and build up the other person. Having open communication and finding a way to meet in the middle is not the same as asking someone to change who he or she is for YOU. Again, that's ego stuff. Release that kind of pressure. It won't serve either of you.

The most important element of dating someone is how you feel with that person. I don't think the "butterflies in the tummy" feeling ever has to go away - not when you truly love your partner. Someone once told me I'm a wild stallion that cannot be tamed. I don't want to be tamed. I want another stallion to run with me.

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle." -Erin Majors

Posted: 9:34 PM, Thursday, March 11, 2010

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